You Are The Light Of The World

February 5, 2019

Halen my love,

Tonight we talked and your heart poured out to me about your fears about Heaven, dying, and your uncertainties about getting old. My beloved daughter, I pray that I can convey to you how wonderful it is to have faith in a God as mighty, loving, grace-filled and forgiving as ours. My heart was full of angst as I saw your tears and your fright rise up within your little body. I can imagine how it must be to process all of this information and I am so sorry because I am not perfect. I am inadequate and I am flawed, but I pray God uses me as an instrument to help deliver his good news to you. I pray one day you come to me and daddy and say, “I want to accept Christ in my heart.”

When mommy was faced with cancer, I was filled with fear. But I could not let that fear win… fear turns to darkness and I will never let the darkness win. Jesus represents all that is light, all that is good. I clung to my faith because that was the only solid ground I could find. When you dance with death, you feel like you are walking in quicksand. Satan wants us to succumb to these fears, he wants us to be afraid and he wants us to doubt and to get angry.

Instead of choosing anger, I chose joy. I asked Jesus to breathe his life into me and to help me do good despite my cancer. One of the best things God gave me was you! He taught me how to love unconditionally, he taught me how to be patient, to be kind, to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. He taught me to put others before myself.

I do not want you to be afraid darling daughter of mine. I want you to grow in His grace and know that you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were prayed for and wanted. You are beautiful, you are strong. I want you to be filled with God’s grace, confident in His word, and a leader for all that is good. God has big plans for you my Halen girl. He wants you to be bold. He wants you to use your God given gifts to give Him Glory. God has the best plans Halen, even better than we can ever imagine. And Heaven…. It is better than our best dreams.

There is nothing to fear my sweet girl. God loves you no matter what, nothing could tear his love away from you. He is eagerly awaiting your commitment to love him and to accept Jesus into your heart. There is no rush. Your daddy and I have committed to raising you with God as our center. He pray everyday about being the best parents for you and pray God equips us with the tools and armor to raise you in God’s light.

I am so proud of you. I am forever grateful to have been given the best gift, that gift is to be your mom. I love you forever and ever. We will always be together, here on earth and again in Heaven.

Love Always and Forever ,

Mommy

First Day Of Your Last Year in Pre-School

Dear Halen Girl,

Wow, today you start pre-school for the last time. This is your third year at Bethany School and I am so excited to see what you will learn.

You are such a delight, daddy and I love learning about the creative mind, energetic spirit, and performing ballerina that is blooming within you.

I know this year you will have an awesome year learning how to write and maybe even how to read. You will get to make new friends and unlock all that is yet to surface within that beautiful brain of yours.

You are also starting dance this year... at your first dance class it was so much fun watching you learn all the ballet steps and how to tap dance.

You will continue swim classes this year too. We will keep in touch with Sheridan, Camryn, Reese, and Owen as you enter a class of new students.

Let the creative juices flow my love. Always be confident in yourself, you are the only ever YOU and Jesus wanted you to be Halen, no one else. I want you to be happy always because you have Jesus in your heart.

It is so fun watching you grow and learning about who you are becoming. God created you with a special gift and daddy and I are so excited to see what that is. We promise to nurture it, support you and encourage you every step of the way.

Happy first day of pre-k 4 Halen girl. I love you more than every star in the Rocky Mountain sky and more than ever grain of sand on the Sleeping Bear Dunes.

Love,

Mommy

Mama’s Love

My Halen girl. You made me a mommy. You entered my world and everything changed. Your presence taught me wheat true love is. I love you more than I can even put into words.

I love your gorgeous hair, those blueberry eyes, I love your energy and huge heart. I am so proud of your tenacity and your empathy for others. Your sense of adventure keeps me on my toes.

Always be kind, no matter what. Be a leader for jesus. Befriend everyone...the sad, the shy, the unwanted, the loud, the messy. Be humble. Whenever you are unsure use Jesus as your compass, he will guide you down the right path. Be classy, work hard and never lost sight of who you are. Jesus knows every hair on your head Halen and he has a grand plan for your life. Your sister is your best friend. Daddy is your prince- always stray close. YaYa adores you. Papa cherishes you. Enna is your god mother, she will always be there. She promised to love you and guide you in life.

I love you more than every grain of sand on the sleeping bear dunes...more than every star in the Rocky Mountain sky.

I love you I love you I love you.

Mommy

Ballerina Birthday Party- FOUR

Today was your birthday party.... it was fantastic!

We had it at Yaya's house.

Everything was pink, including the food, just like you wanted.

Menu:

Pink Noodle Salad
Pink Hummus with veggies, sweet potato chips, beets, purple potato chips and plaintains with pink Himalayan sea salt
Spinach dip
Dogs & Cheese
Watermelon & Purple Grapes
Strawberry Wafer cookies
Pink Ballerina Cookies
Pink Lemonade

Cake: Vanilla spice + chocolate cake with pink buttercream frosting

Miss Caiti came over as a pink ballerina and she taught a ballet class and played games with you! She was amazing. You learned to pirouette and leap and all the positions in dance.

We had a pinata filled with honey sticks, raisins, strawberry taffy and games. You were so strong hitting the pinata!

Your friends played and had so much fun!

You had Piper, Presley, Brooklyn, Sheridan, Camryn, Reese, James, Lincoln, Ellie, Crash, Jager, Atlas, Addy, Capri, Charley all there to play with!

It was an awesome time. You wore a real ballerina tutu with real ballerina hair!

For presents you received some awesome books, a jump rope, yoyo, beautiful tutu outfit, stickers and more amazing books.

We loved celebrating you today Halen Rae Carol Wiatrek.

You were a gorgeous, fun-loving ballerina today. Please always be humble, gentle, grateful and kind. Remember presents are nice, but good company is always better!

Love you baby girl,

Mommy

Conversations with our Four year Old

May 3, 2018: "Mommy I teach you, echo me: hello neighbor, what do you say, it's gonna be a happy day, greet your neighbor, boogie on down, give a bump and turn around!" "Faster!" It was so fun spending the day with you today birthday girl.

May 5, 2018: "A real ballerina tutu!" "Daddy, get in line let me teach you ballet. Ash-a-tay! Go daddy, ash-a-tay!" (At your birthday party)

May 14, 2018: Halen at breakfast said, “Henley that is your tummy not your heart. Your heart is up here. That’s where Jesus is.” 😍

May 19, 2018: “When I have my 18th birthday, I want an Elsa party and when I am 25 I want a Rapunzel party.” 😂

May 22, 2018: Daddy was getting a haircut from YaYa and you said, “Daddy I can’t reach your chin through your beard. Will you be different with a shortcut?”

June 1, 2018 I was putting Henley down and you came in with Enna’s high school picture and said, “here Henley you can hold this picture during nap so you know Enna is always with you and then you won’t be sad.” 😍 So sweet Halen.

June 4, 2018: I told you we had a make up swim class and you said, “What kind of make up should I wear mommy? Can you put some lips on me?” It made us laugh, so funny! 💋

June 8, 2018: On our road trip driving to Kentucky you said, “Henley want to have a conversation with me?” It was so cute.

June 13, 2018: “You can’t sleep when you’re squished.” Your response to Henley squashing a snail you found and I told you the snail was now sleeping in Heaven. You’re a smart, funny girl Halen!

June 17, 2018: While sitting on the potty you said, “Mommy, I love your voice.” My heart just melted...I love everything about you baby girl.

June 20, 2018: We we’re walking to downtown Charlevoix and you stopped and said,”Daddy I have something in my shoe! It hurts! Is it a shark tooth or something??” So so so funny Halen girl!

Fierce, Fantastic FOUR

Halen Rae Carol...you are four years old today. My gorgeous, vibrant, busy, talkative, strong-willed, leader. I am so proud of you. This year has been a tough one, but you have been such a joy and light in my life and the lives of those around you.

You are loving pre-school at Bethany, you talk about being the line leader, loving movement, singing songs in music class, art and playing mommy at pretend time. You really love your friend Sheridan in class.

You are thick as thieves with your daddy, you tell us he is your prince and you will marry him one day. You love using daddy as a jungle gym, riding bikes together, going to the coffee shop and trips to Home Depot.

You are mommy's helper, I love spending my Tuesdays and Thursdays with you, we try to have fun outings, bake, play games, watch movies and play in the playroom. You love playing outside, swinging, collecting bugs, looking up at the trees, watching our windmill blow in the breeze, pull Henley in the wagon and have picnic lunches on your picnic table.

You and Henley are becoming the best of friends...you are playing together more and more. You love momming her (which frustrates mommy and daddy sometimes, but we know you mean well), she loves you so much. You are the first words out of her mouth in the morning, "Where's Halen?" It is the sweetest.

You love your friend Piper June, neighbor, Brooklyn, and Camryn. They are your favorites so far in life. We play dress up with Piper, play outside with Brooklyn, and have playdates with Camryn.

We are enjoying our small group this year with Capri, Charley, Owen, Jayden, Cayden, Bennett, Oliver, Ophelia, Clover, Josiah, and Brielle.

You have grown so much this year, you are truly your own person...determined, you love structure, you love being given responsibilities, you love helping others, you love doing bible study, you LOVE to perform. You are in swim lessons at Emler, and they just moved you up to the next class. You are in gymnastics and you seem to love it. You want to start dance, and we got you a real ballerina tutu leotard to wear to dance classes we are putting you into in the fall.

Our relationship has grown so much this year as you've watched mommy battle cancer. We talk about everything. We have cried together, hugged, cuddled, laughed, played, rejoiced, and prayed.

We really love living back in our house, spring break was a blast in Colorado, we are excited to head north for our summer vacation to Michigan in a month.

Today you woke at 6 am with pink balloons everywhere, you had pink roses and gifts on the kitchen table... from daddy and I you got dresses, supergirl panties, summer stickers, a ballerina tutu leotard, a pretty diffuser, athletic shorts. From Henley you got swim shoes and a rash guard for this summer. Nene got you a cute jumper and flip flops. Our neighbors, Jan and Al got you princess books. Then you had chocolate chip waffles with blueberries. Yaya came over and on our way to Sweet Berry Farm you got a chocolate "brossant" (your favorite), then we met your cousins, Crash and Jager at the farm. You jumped on the giant jumpy, went on a tractor ride, fed goats, said hello to horses, painted a flower pot and picked strawberries! It was so much fun. You were so excited to spend the day with your cousins, you all held hands and laughed so much today. We had lunch by the lake and Yaya brought you a special cupcake. Then we drove back into town and you went with mommy to get your nails done. You chose sparkly purple for your toes and sparkly gold for your fingers. It was beautiful. We looked at pictures of you in my belly and your birth-day and when you were so little. Then we came home to celebrate you being born at 4:43 pm. We played out front with our neighbors, Mr. Adam, Ms. Rachel, Brooklyn and Parks...ate popsicles, played on bikes. Then we went inside for family showers before your birthday dinner of corndogs, mac n cheese, green peas and blueberries. Then you had an ice cream cake with chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream and light pink icing that read, "Happy birthday Halen!" Then we played in the playroom and you got to fall asleep cuddling in mommy and daddy's bed. I think it was a pretty spectacular day my love bug. We have your ballerina birthday party on Saturday to celebrate too.

I love you my blueberry eyed baby girl. You are my darling, my star, my beloved sweetheart. Thank you for being my daughter, thank you for choosing me. I am so grateful to God for your presence in my life. I am looking forward to watching you grow, our talks and memories we will make this next year.

I love you more than every star in the Rocky Mountain sky and every grain of sand on the Sleeping Bear Dunes.

Love,

Mommy

Mommy's Mastectomy

Dear Halen girl,

Hi baby, mommy has her surgery today. We have had some amazing conversations about all mommy is going through. I have been in awe of your response since the beginning...through mommy starting medicine, to mommy's hair falling out, and now to my surgery.

I am so proud of you Halen...you are such a bright little girl with a huge heart. I love how our relationship has grown...I love tucking you in at night...laying with you talking about the day and praying. I love taking you to school and being involved in your school's activities. Like your Thanksgiving Feast this week, you were an Indian, "Little Red Cloud" so darn cute. I love watching your relationship with Henley grow where the two of you will play together. I love watching your relationship with daddy grow. I love watching you swim, you are getting so good at that!

This next week may be difficult, mommy will need a lot of relaxing time and may not be able to do as much. But daddy will be here as our hero, like always. And we have a lot of family coming into town for Thanksgiving that will help us. I know Maile is so excited to play with you.

I love you so much Halen and no matter what it is so important to remember that. You are my big girl and we have so much to accomplish in this life together. I know the best is yet to come.

I am so proud to be your mommy.

Love,

Mommy