February 5, 2019
Halen my love,
Tonight we talked and your heart poured out to me about your
fears about Heaven, dying, and your uncertainties about getting old. My beloved
daughter, I pray that I can convey to you how wonderful it is to have faith in
a God as mighty, loving, grace-filled and forgiving as ours. My heart was full
of angst as I saw your tears and your fright rise up within your little body. I
can imagine how it must be to process all of this information and I am so sorry
because I am not perfect. I am inadequate and I am flawed, but I pray God uses
me as an instrument to help deliver his good news to you. I pray one day you come
to me and daddy and say, “I want to accept Christ in my heart.”
When mommy was faced with cancer, I was filled with fear.
But I could not let that fear win… fear turns to darkness and I will never let
the darkness win. Jesus represents all that is light, all that is good. I clung
to my faith because that was the only solid ground I could find. When you dance
with death, you feel like you are walking in quicksand. Satan wants us to succumb
to these fears, he wants us to be afraid and he wants us to doubt and to get
angry.
Instead of choosing anger, I chose joy. I asked Jesus to
breathe his life into me and to help me do good despite my cancer. One of the
best things God gave me was you! He taught me how to love unconditionally, he
taught me how to be patient, to be kind, to be slow to anger and quick to
forgive. He taught me to put others before myself.
I do not want you to be afraid darling daughter of mine. I
want you to grow in His grace and know that you were fearfully and wonderfully
made. You were prayed for and wanted. You are beautiful, you are strong. I want
you to be filled with God’s grace, confident in His word, and a leader for all
that is good. God has big plans for you my Halen girl. He wants you to be bold.
He wants you to use your God given gifts to give Him Glory. God has the best
plans Halen, even better than we can ever imagine. And Heaven…. It is better
than our best dreams.
There is nothing to fear my sweet girl. God loves you no
matter what, nothing could tear his love away from you. He is eagerly awaiting
your commitment to love him and to accept Jesus into your heart. There is no
rush. Your daddy and I have committed to raising you with God as our center. He
pray everyday about being the best parents for you and pray God equips us with
the tools and armor to raise you in God’s light.
I am so proud of you. I am forever grateful to have been
given the best gift, that gift is to be your mom. I love you forever and ever.
We will always be together, here on earth and again in Heaven.
Love Always and Forever ,
Mommy
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