Forging a New Path in Kindergarten

My Dearest Halen,

I sit here thinking about how fast five years went by. I think back on being in absolute maternity bliss when you arrived, you were part of me. I was complete with you in my arms. I could stare at you and smell you and kiss you all day long. The sleepless nights were long forgotten with you by my side. You made me a mama and taught me along the way. You taught me how to listen to my instincts, how to shut out the chatter that so often becomes too much to bear.

You taught me about sacrifice, resilience, and the power of love. You taught me to shine in God’s love and to spark joy.

I am wrestling with letting you go. But I know God has the best plan for you, the best plan for our family.

What I really truly want for you is to be different. I want you to stand out from the crowd, I want you to let your light so shine that others are drawn to you by your kindness, your humility, your bravery.

As you start your first year of kindergarten, I want you to forge a path of goodness, of leadership, of truth.

What is most important to me is that you are confident in who you are, a daughter of Christ. A beautiful, radiant, loved, cherished, valuable, worthy, daughter of God. You were created in His image my darling girl. You were fearfully and wonderfully made.

The past five years are blurring past me because I thought I had more time. When you were born I was elated to have five years. I fought hard to be home with you. The last 4 years have been a pure blessing, to be able to be the one to answer all your questions, to listen to all your ponderings, to greet you with a smile, to fold you into a hug, to cuddle on the couch during sister’s nap. I have cherished every single moment.

I know our journey, our relationship as mother and daughter has just begun. The best is yet to come my sweet girl. God has a grand plan for you, this is just the beginning. I pray nightly to for God to help me raise you to lean on Him, to trust in Him, to abide by Him, to lead others toward Him.

This may be the first year you realize that we are different. And that is okay. God never told us our lives would be easy. He said they would be fruitful. As long as you believe in Jesus sweet one, your life will be filled with blessings.

As you walk into your classroom, hold your head high with a smile, hold Jesus in your heart, the fruits of the spirit should be your goal for each day: to be gentle, kind, peaceful, joyful, loving, patient, faithful, good and to have self-control. Some people may not say nice things, show them kindness and patience, you might be a beacon of light for them. Rise above my precious girl. God asks us to focus on what is good and to turn away from what is not.

I am so excited to see all you accomplish this year. Do not let anyone hold you back from being the best Halen you can be…the bright, smart, creative, loving, bold Halen your daddy and I know you to be.

Thank you for teaching me the most important things by being your mama. When you see the tears well up in my eyes, know those are happy tears...happy to have had four beautiful years with you home with me, blessed tears because gave you as a gift to me, eager tears to see the fruit from this year. My smile will show you that I am excited to see all you will accomplish this year. I will be eager for 2:50 every day to have our afternoons together.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 

1 Timothy 4:12

I love you more than every start in the Rocky Mountain sky and every grain of sand on the Sleeping Bear Dunes.

Love,

Mama

Fearless, fantastic and FIVE

My darling girl. You are FIVE. My brain sometimes cannot keep up with the fact that you are growing constantly. I pass by the picture from us in the hospital every night when I kiss you into bed and stare at it thinking that was just yesterday when we started this life together.

I am so proud of you. You are a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made.

You shine your light for Jesus wherever you go and it makes daddy and I beam with pride.

Your light blue eyes are eager to learn and befriend everyone you know. You have done awesome in your pre-k class, you love creating art and being active.

It has been so fun to watch you in dance this year as you learn your body. Your dance recital was so much fun to watch! We are so proud of you.

Your swimming skills are awesome and you will do front and back flips off the side of the pool! So brave!

You are best buds with dad and I think that is the greatest. You and your sister are best friends and play together so well now.

We sing Lauren Daigle in the car, we love cuddling on the couch to watch Full House before we all go to bed. We love going on adventures.

Every night we do your bible study, sing songs and pray.

My wish for you my darling is to have confidence in Jesus to fill you up and bring you joy. I never want you to expect others to make you happy. I pray that you will always be a leader for good, including everyone and sharing the gospel wherever you go.

Jesus is our protector, our shield, our strength. He will make the path for us.

For your 5th birthday you chose to have your ears pierced, you didn't even cry! We went to the Austin Zoo, had pizza for dinner (with Enna & Landon) and then you birthday party was a joint party with Henley -- Let's Flamingle theme. It was so much fun. Madelyn, Reese, Camryn, Allison, Layton, Brooklyn all came -- they colored a flamingo, then played pin the feather on the flamingo, we played flamingo ring toss, had fun with the flamingo pinata and even read a story about a flamingo. Enna helped put beautiful pink balloons all over our house and made you pretty tutus to wear with your flamingo shirts. Yaya helped, Didi & T came along with Marlene, Papa, Julie and Landon. We had so much fun!

I love you so much Halen girl. This year is going to be full of big changes and so much fun. You start Kindergarten at Laurel Mountain, you are joining a more serious dance team. We are so excited to see you flourish.

I love you darling girl!

You Are The Light Of The World

February 5, 2019

Halen my love,

Tonight we talked and your heart poured out to me about your fears about Heaven, dying, and your uncertainties about getting old. My beloved daughter, I pray that I can convey to you how wonderful it is to have faith in a God as mighty, loving, grace-filled and forgiving as ours. My heart was full of angst as I saw your tears and your fright rise up within your little body. I can imagine how it must be to process all of this information and I am so sorry because I am not perfect. I am inadequate and I am flawed, but I pray God uses me as an instrument to help deliver his good news to you. I pray one day you come to me and daddy and say, “I want to accept Christ in my heart.”

When mommy was faced with cancer, I was filled with fear. But I could not let that fear win… fear turns to darkness and I will never let the darkness win. Jesus represents all that is light, all that is good. I clung to my faith because that was the only solid ground I could find. When you dance with death, you feel like you are walking in quicksand. Satan wants us to succumb to these fears, he wants us to be afraid and he wants us to doubt and to get angry.

Instead of choosing anger, I chose joy. I asked Jesus to breathe his life into me and to help me do good despite my cancer. One of the best things God gave me was you! He taught me how to love unconditionally, he taught me how to be patient, to be kind, to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. He taught me to put others before myself.

I do not want you to be afraid darling daughter of mine. I want you to grow in His grace and know that you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were prayed for and wanted. You are beautiful, you are strong. I want you to be filled with God’s grace, confident in His word, and a leader for all that is good. God has big plans for you my Halen girl. He wants you to be bold. He wants you to use your God given gifts to give Him Glory. God has the best plans Halen, even better than we can ever imagine. And Heaven…. It is better than our best dreams.

There is nothing to fear my sweet girl. God loves you no matter what, nothing could tear his love away from you. He is eagerly awaiting your commitment to love him and to accept Jesus into your heart. There is no rush. Your daddy and I have committed to raising you with God as our center. He pray everyday about being the best parents for you and pray God equips us with the tools and armor to raise you in God’s light.

I am so proud of you. I am forever grateful to have been given the best gift, that gift is to be your mom. I love you forever and ever. We will always be together, here on earth and again in Heaven.

Love Always and Forever ,

Mommy